Fast Food Freakout
by KaipazuDarkMatter
Summary: When the Ham-Hams find out about "hamburgers," they fear that people have been cooking and eating hamsters! It's up to the Ham-Hams to save the day and save the hamsters of the world from getting eaten! (DONE)
1. Default Chapter

DISCLAMER: If I owned Hamtaro I would not be writting fanfiction.  
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"Fast Food Freakout"  
by DarkMatter  
  
It was warm sunny day, and Hamtaro was eagerly awaiting Laura to return from the local fast food restaurant. He didn't bother going to the clubhouse, thinking it was called fast food for a reason. He found himself waiting longer than he had expected.  
  
"Oh, cats. What could be taking Laura so long? I hope she's okay." Hamtaro  
said to himself, he then heard Laura running to her room. Hamtaro's faced lightened up,  
"Finally! I could have went to the clubhouse anyway, I guess. I sure hope Laura brought  
home some extra fast food for me to eat."  
  
Laura ran into her room and looked at Hamtaro. "Hey, Hamtaro! I brought you  
some extra food!" Laura put some French fries in his cage. "Sorry little guy, but I don't  
think I should give you this leftover hamburger. I'll just eat it myself for lunch  
tomorrow, I guess."  
  
Hamtaro froze, and starred at Laura. A look of fear was on his face, but Laura  
didn't notice. "Well, I guess I'll go over to Kana's. See you later, Hamtaro!" Laura ran  
out of the room, Hamtaro still stood with fear.  
  
"Did... did she say... hamburger?" Hamtaro asked himself. "Does that mean...  
people... they eat..." Hamtaro suddenly screamed in surprise. "PEOPLE EAT  
HAM-HAMS?!"  
  
Hamtaro was scared! "I have to warn the other hams before it's too late!"  
Hamtaro said to himself. "I would never have expected Laura to eat a hamster... Oh,  
cats! She probably doesn't know! Humans aren't as bright was we are!"  
  
Hamtaro squeezed out of the cage, and ran behind the desk. He slid down the  
gutter and landed on Brandy.  
  
"Sorry Brandy! No time to chat! I gotta' warn the other Ham-Hams that there are  
crazy people hunting down hamsters and cooking them at fast food restaurants!" Hamtaro  
slid down Brandy's snout, and Brandy simply tilted his head to his side when Hamtaro  
ran off.  
  
*************************************  
  
"SAY WHAT?!" Boss yelled, with fear in his eyes.  
  
"It's true, Boss!" Hamtaro explained with a look of depression on his face, "Laura  
came back from the fast food restaurant and said she ate hamburger! That's a burger  
made from Ham-Hams!"  
  
All the Ham-Hams were shaken with fear. Boss finally spoke up again, "If your  
Laura loves hamsters so much why would she eat hamsters?"  
  
"She probably doesn't know!" Hamtaro said, still shaken up.  
  
"That's strange..." Maxwell thought, "I always heard hamburgers were made  
from cow meat."  
  
"Must be their cover-up!" Dexter exclaimed.  
  
"No wonder the poor girl doesn't know she's eating hamsters." Howdy sighed.  
  
"Why would anyone want to eat a hamster?! I thought we were so cute and  
cuddly that no one would ever even think of hurting us!" Cappy cried.  
  
"There are a lot of sick people in this world, kid." Stan said, with his arms folded.   
"I never thought there were hamster killers, though."  
  
"B-b-but why w-w-would people w-w-want to eat u-us? W-we're j-just skin  
an-and b-b-bones!" Oxnard was shaking with fear more than anyone.  
  
"They 'prolly go after the fatter Ham-Hams, first!" Howdy joked, "That must  
mean you're next, Oxnard! Hee hee hee hee!" Oxnard didn't take it as a joke however,  
and began to cry.  
  
"Stop scaring poor Oxnard!" Bijou said angrily.  
  
"Yeah, that's so totally uncool!" Sandy said, folding her arms.  
  
"Ookyoo!" Penelope yelled.  
  
"That was very mean, Howdy! Scaring poor Oxnard like that!" Pashmina yelled,  
then she walked over to Oxnard and hugged him. "It's okay, Oxy! We won't let anyone  
eat you!"  
  
Oxnard blushed a bit, "Um... um... thank you." he said, smiling.  
  
"Like, is there something you want to say?" Sandy looked over at Howdy. Howdy  
looked to the ground.  
  
"I'm sorry, Oxnard..." he mumbled.  
  
"If we're done with this 'don't be mean to Oxy' stuff, maybe we can get back on  
the topic of this hamster killing and selling us as food!" said Boss, he looked at the horror  
struck group of Ham-Hams.  
  
"What do you propose we do, Boss?" Dexter asked, with curiosity.  
  
"It's very simple," Boss began, "we are gonna' burn down the restaurant! Let's  
see how they like being cooked!" The Ham-Hams gasped.  
  
"Woah, Boss-man! I'm all for stopping people from eating hamsters but I don't  
want to hurt anybody!" Hamtaro exclaimed.  
  
"That's why we're gonna wait 'till nightfall. We will all gather at this fast food  
place when nobody is there and then burn it down." Boss explained.  
  
"Then we wouldn't be cooking them, would we?" asked Stan.  
  
"Sure we would! We would cook their evil Ham-Ham killing ways! And we will  
cook it well-done!" Boss said, with determination in his voice. The Ham-Hams all  
agreed. It was either burn down the restaurant or be eaten.  
  
"Zuzuzu... I don't think that's such a good idea... zuzuzu..." Snoozer said sleepily  
from the table.  
  
"Like, fine, Snoozer! Don't help us! Like, I guess you like being evil human bait!   
I, like, thought you were a team player!" yelled Sandy at Snoozer. The sleeping  
Ham-Ham paid no attention to Sandy's lecture and just remained silent.  
  
"We better go over supplies." Boss said. "First off, we're gonna' need matches."   
Cappy jumped up.  
  
"One time when the power went out I saw Kip and Sue light up candles with  
matches! I think we still have some!" said Cappy, filled with joy.  
  
"That's good, Cappy. Make sure we have a few. Matches aren't always  
reliable." Boss said to him. "Next we need something flammable."  
  
"Well," said Maxwell, "there is a gas station near the bookstore..."  
  
"Perfect! We need you to fill somethin' like a tea kettle up with the gas and bring  
it to the fast food place!" Boss exclaimed.  
  
"What?!" Maxwell jumped back in surprise, "Boss, I can't do that all by myself!"   
Sandy looked at Maxwell and smiled.  
  
"Like, don't worry, Maxy! I will, like, totally come to help you!" Since Sandy  
smiled at Maxwell, it caused him to blush. Stan came up from behind Sandy.  
  
"I'll come and help too." Stan said, "I gotta' protect my sister! I don't want you  
trying anything funny on her, Maxwell!"  
  
Maxwell looked surprised, "Wha?! I-I don't know what you're talking about!"  
  
"Geez, Stan! You can let me do things on my own... I'm not a baby you know."  
Sandy said, blushing.  
  
"This is a great plan, Boss! But how are we going to know where the fast food  
restaurant is?" Hamtaro asked him.  
  
"Don't worry about that!" Howdy said, smiling.  
  
"The fast food place is right across the street from our owners shops!" Dexter  
said, also smiling. "To think they've been selling hamster meat there this whole time."  
  
"Okay, do we all remember where Dexter and Howdy's shops are?" Boss asked  
the Ham-Hams. Most nodded. "Good, those of you who don't, I sure someone would be  
happy to escort you there! Okay, hams! We should all go home and catch a few Z's! It's  
gonna' be a long night!"  
  
Boss raised his shovel in the air, the rest the Ham-Ham's lifted a paw.  
  
"THAT FAST FOOD RESTAURANT IS GOING DOWN!" Hamtaro said,  
happily. "Let's just hope everyone is out when we burn it down."  
  
*************************************  
  
Hamtaro waited until Laura had fallen asleep to head out to the fast food  
restaurant.  
  
"Oh, I hope I'm not too late!" Hamtaro thought as he ran along. "Badda, badda,  
badda, badda..."  
  
When he arrived at the fast food restaurant he found Boss, Dexter, Howdy,  
Pashmina, Penelope, Bijou, Panda and Oxnard. It seemed the only Ham-Hams that were  
not there were Maxwell, Stan, Sandy, Cappy and Snoozer (who wasn't coming in the first  
place.)  
  
"Am I late, guys?" Hamtaro asked, huffing and puffing after the long run.  
  
"You're just in time, Hamtaro." Panda smiled.  
  
"Ve are still waiting for Cappy, Maxwell, Sandy and Stan." said Bijou. Cappy  
suddenly ran up to them.  
  
"Hey, guys! Sorry I'm late! It took me awhile to find the matches!" Cappy said,  
holding a small pack of matches. "We still have plenty left, luckily."  
  
"That's good." Dexter said, smiling.  
  
"I hope Max and the others come with that gas soon." Panda looked down the  
road to see if he could spot them. Oxnard was nervously eating away at a sunflower  
seed. Suddenly in the distance, they all heard a faint 'badda, badda, badda...'  
  
"Heke?" all the Ham-Hams said in unison. Maxwell, Stan and Sandy were on  
there way carrying a tea kettle with them.  
  
"Look! It's Maxwell, Sandy and Stan with the gasoline!" Pashmina said happily.  
  
"Ookwee!" Penelope jumped up and down.  
  
"Sorry we're late, Ham-Hams." Maxwell explained.  
  
"Yeah, like, it took us forever to find a spare tea kettle." Sandy put her paw  
behind her head.  
  
"And it took us awhile to figure out how to turn on the stupid gas thing." Stan  
explained.  
  
"I sure hope my human doesn't miss this tea kettle." Maxwell said, sounding a bit  
worried.  
  
"Don't worry about it, Maxwell. It's for a good cause." Hamtaro said cheerfully.  
  
"Okay, hams! Let's get to work!" said Boss. He peeked around the corner of the  
fast food restaurant and checked the parking lot. No cars were parked there. "Okay, that  
parking lot is empty so we can begin the operation."  
  
The Ham-Hams ran to the back door. "I'll go inside and unlock to the door to let  
the rest of you hams inside so we can take in that tea kettle." Boss told them. He  
squeezed under the door and the Ham-Hams waited a moment. A minute or so later the  
door opened and Boss fell off the door knob. "Heh, come on in." Boss smiled at them.  
  
The Ham-Hams made there way inside. It was very dark, being no lights were on.   
"I-I'm scared." Oxnard said, shivering.  
  
"We have no time to stall! Quick! Start pouring the gasoline around the building.   
Run around wherever you can and pour it." Boss told them.  
  
Quickly, Maxwell, Sandy, Stan and Panda tipped the tea kettle so some gasoline  
could pour out. They began running around wherever they could. A moment later they  
came back, without the tea kettle.  
  
"Every last drop of the gas has been pored, Boss!" Stan told him.  
  
"Good, now it's time for the matches." Boss signaled Cappy to come over with  
the pack of matches.  
  
"I don't know, Boss." Maxwell began, "I have a feeling this is illegal."  
  
"Well, killing innocent hamsters and selling them as a meat product should be  
illegal, too!" Boss told Maxwell. "Okay guys, light up a match!"  
  
Hamtaro, Oxnard and Cappy tried to light the matches but couldn't quite figure it  
out. "Um, how do you?" Hamtaro asked.  
  
"I know I remember Kip and Sue lighting them..." Cappy said, trying to figure it  
out.  
  
"Where's the on switch?" Oxnard said, searching the match. Boss finally had  
enough and snagged the match from Oxy's paws. "Hey! That was mine!"  
  
"You guys are hopeless." Boss said, and he skidded the match across the surface  
to light it. It lit, but went out shortly after.  
  
"Yes, Boss. Very impressive." Dexter said narrowing his eyes.  
  
"Shut up, will ya?!" Boss yelled, "Sometimes matches are duds!" He tried one  
more time, and this time it did stay lit. "There we go."  
  
"How fast will this place catch on fire?" Hamtaro asked.  
  
"Well, I'm really not sure." Boss grinned, "I never really lit anything on fire  
before."  
  
"The fire will spread very quickly." Maxwell informed them. "We will have to  
leave as quickly as possible."  
  
Boss dropped the match in the puddle of gasoline, and surely enough, the fire  
spread very quickly. Boss nearly caught on fire himself!  
  
"Is it just me, or is it getting hot in hear?" Oxnard asked, starting to sweat.  
  
"You heard what Maxwell said, we gotta get out of here!" Hamtaro said bravely.   
The Ham-Hams turned to get to the door they entered but fire blocked their path!  
  
"Oh-no!" Maxwell exclaimed, "We're trapped!"  
  
The Ham-Hams began to panic, until Hamtaro spotted a window that was slightly  
open. "Look over there, hams! A window!" Hamtaro pointed.  
  
"Oh, thank goodness you found it, Hamtaro! You zaved us all!" Bijou said,  
blushing.  
  
"Er, I could have found it too you know." said Boss, looking down at his feet.  
  
"No time to celebrate! We still have to get there!" Pashmina exclaimed. Quickly  
all the Ham-Hams gathered to the window and squeezed out. They were safe. Many of  
them were panting.  
  
"I saw my life flashing before my eyes..." Oxnard said, still sweating.  
  
"Ookyoo..." Penelope agreed. The Ham-Hams watched the fast food restaurant  
burning down.  
  
"We did it, Ham-Hams." Hamtaro said proudly, "We saved a bunch of  
Ham-Hams around the world from being eaten." Just then the sound of fire trucks were  
heard. "Heke?"  
  
"It's the fire department! We gotta hightail it outta here!" Boss explained.   
"Everyone, head back to your homes!" With that all the Ham-Hams took off saying their  
quick good-byes.  
  
Hamtaro was very proud of himself when heading home. "It's a good thing we  
got rid of that fast food restaurant. They might have come after one of us next! I don't  
know what I'd do if one of the Ham-Hams were to get eaten. It's too bad about the  
hamsters who already have been eaten though..."  
  
Hamtaro ran back into his house and squeezed into his cage. He fell asleep  
feeling he really accomplished something.  
  
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A/N: This isn't the end of the story! There is still one for chapter left to have the aftermath! 


	2. Aftermath

Okay everyone, this is the aftermath to "Fast Food Freakout!" Enjoy!  
  
DISCLAMER: Do you own Hamtaro? ...Well there's something we have in common.  
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The next morning all of the Ham-Hams were feeling pretty good about themselves. They  
were all gathered at the clubhouse, except for Maxwell that is.  
  
"That was a real great thing we pulled off last night, hams!" Boss congratulated  
the hamsters.  
  
"That will teach those evil hamster eating humans!" said Stan. Suddenly,  
Maxwell came bursting in through the door.  
  
"Guys! Guys! I have some terrible news!" Maxwell exclaimed.  
  
"Heke?" all the Ham-Hams said in unison, other than Snoozer.  
  
"Like, what's wrong, Maxwell?" Sandy asked.  
  
"Did you loose your sunflower seeds?" Oxnard curiously asked.  
  
"No! Worse!" said Maxwell, "I found out the hamster killers are still out there!"  
  
All the Ham-Hams gasped, but Boss finally spoke up. "Big deal, we burnt down  
the fast food restaurant so the hamster killers will have to stop because they don't got  
anywhere to sell the hamster meat to."  
  
"There is more than one fast food restaurant in the world, Boss!" Maxwell  
explained.  
  
"Heke?!" Boss said, surprised.  
  
"There are millions if not more of them in the world!" Maxwell informed them.  
  
"Oh-no!" Hamtaro said in a worried tone.  
  
"Ve can not possibly burn down all of zem!" said Bijou, looking very scared.  
  
"No we can't." Maxwell looked determined, "I found out that meat comes from  
farms. I suggest we go right to the source."  
  
"Farms? You mean like... Pepper's farm?!" Oxnard said, sounding very worried  
and scared.  
  
"Maybe they're rasin' Pepper on that there farm to cook 'er up and eat 'er!"  
Howdy exclaimed. Oxnard screamed!  
  
"Oh-no! We gotta' save Pepper!" Oxnard cried as he ran out of the clubhouse.  
  
"Oxy! Wait up!" Hamtaro yelled, and he ran to fallow Oxnard as did the rest of  
the Ham-Hams. Except for Snoozer of course. They got outside the tunnel to see Oxnard  
running off.  
  
"Oxy! Pepper's farm is too far from here! You'll never make it!" Boss yelled.   
Oxnard stopped, he hated to admit it but Boss was right. He turned to the Ham-Hams  
and his eyes were very teared up.  
  
"B-b-but what about Pepper?" he asked. Suddenly the Ham-Hams heard a  
familiar guitar.  
  
"Heke?" they all said.  
  
"Is that who I think it is?!" Hamtaro exclaimed. He looked ahead and sure  
enough, Jingle was approaching them riding on Herbert, his faithful pig.  
  
"Jingle!" all the Ham-Hams said at once. Jingle looked up.  
  
"Heke? We if it isn't the group of the amazing Ham-Hams." Jingle said.  
  
"Boy are we lucky you came around!" Hamtaro said, happily.  
  
"Hey! It's Hamtaco, isn't it?" Jingle asked. Hamtaro went from happy to a bit  
peeved.  
  
"The name is Hamtaro." he said coldly. Oxnard butted in.  
  
"Jingle! I hate to ask but could you please give us a ride to the farm up on the  
mountain!" Oxnard cried.  
  
"All around my pig and I go, our next stop even I don't know." answered Jingle.  
  
"But if we don't hurry Pepper might get eaten!" Oxnard cried even harder.  
  
"Heke? Sound serious." Jingle responded. "Very well, you can all hop aboard  
Herbert and we can head to this mountain farm." The Ham-Hams sighed with relief.  
  
"Thank goodness." Hamtaro sighed as he climbed aboard Herbert.  
  
"Here, Bijou! I'll help you on!" Boss smiled and blushed.  
  
"Thank you very much, Boss." Bijou said, smiling back. This caused Boss's face  
to go completely red, but he eventually helped Bijou on the back of Herbert.  
  
"Okay, Herbert." Jingle began, "Let's hit the road." Herbert snorted and they  
began on the long journey to Pepper's farm. Lucky for the Ham-Hams it was a school  
day so most of their owners were off at school.  
  
*************************************  
  
The Ham-Hams were very lucky most of the owners were off at school. It had  
already been an two hours and they seemed to have a long way to go.  
  
"I hate to ask, but do you think you could speed this up?" Hamtaro asked.  
  
"Yes, by now Pepper could be falling down someone esophagus." Maxwell said,  
this caused Oxnard to panic. Jingle remained calm, however.  
  
"Herbert just needs to find some inspiration."  
  
"Oh, cats. I knew I should have grabbed some corn on our way here." Hamtaro  
sighed. Oxnard just became more and more upset. Finally Boss stood up.  
  
"Heke? Where are you going, Boss?" Cappy asked him.  
  
"I think it's time Herbert found some other inspiration." Boss said as he walked  
over to Herbert's tail. Boss grabbed the tail of the pig and bit it hard. Herbert squealed  
and began running faster than ever! If Boss wasn't holding on to Herbert's tail he would  
have fallen off himself!  
  
The Ham-Hams were screaming with fear, even Jingle looked a little scared.  
  
*************************************  
  
In much shorter time then the Ham-Hams expected, they arrived at Pepper's farm.   
The Ham-Hams jumped off Herbert's back. "Just wait here, Jingle. We'll be back soon  
enough." Hamtaro told him.  
  
"Okay, but make it quick." Jingle told him, "We vagrant wanderers don't like to  
stay in one place for too long."  
  
The Ham-Hams quickly ran around searching for Pepper. They all stayed in a  
group because everyone wanted to be there when they were to make sure Pepper was still  
alive.  
  
"Pepper! Pepper, where are you?!" Oxnard called out. He was the most worried  
out of anyone. Suddenly the Ham-Hams heard a familiar voice.  
  
"Oxy? What are you doing here?"  
  
It was Pepper! The Ham-Hams ran over to greet her. Oxnard grabbed Pepper and  
gave her a hug. He was crying with happiness.  
  
"Oh thank goodness! Pepper, I though you were going down someone  
esofagoose!" Oxnard cried, mispronouncing esophagus.  
  
"Heke?" Pepper asked in confusion, "Oxy, what in the world are you talkin'  
about?!"  
  
"We found out hamster meat was provided by farms and they were used on  
hamburgers!" Hamtaro explained.  
  
"We were worried you were cooked up and eaten!" said Pashmina.  
  
"But we, like, got here in time to save you!" Sandy said, heroically.  
  
"Hamburgers? Made from hamsters?" Pepper blinked, then sighed. "You city  
hams are so hopeless..."  
  
"Heke?" all the Ham-Hams said in confusion.  
  
"You mean hamburgers aren't made from hamsters?" asked Hamtaro.  
  
"Of course not!" Pepper cried, "They are made from cows!"  
  
"But, no!" Dexter exclaimed, "That's their cover-up!"  
  
"It's no cover-up." Pepper explained, "Cows are shipped to the slaughterhouse  
from here!"  
  
Oxnard looked over at a nearby herd of cows. "Aw, poor cows."  
  
"Ookwee." said Penelope, sadly.  
  
"What gave you the idea that hamburgers were made from hamsters, anyway?!"  
Pepper asked.  
  
"Um," Hamtaro began, "the name, I guess."  
  
"Well, Hamtaro," Boss said, "it seems you looked into this before jumping to silly  
conclusions."  
  
This caused Hamtaro to get embarrassed. "Kushi-kushi!" Hamtaro said and he  
put his paws on his head. Maxwell then jumped in surprise.  
  
"Guys! Do you realize what this means?!" Maxwell asked.  
  
"What?" asked Hamtaro.  
  
"It means we burned down that restaurant for no reason!" Maxwell cried. The  
Ham-Hams gasped and then here was a moment of silence. Boss finally broke it.  
  
"Well," Boss began, "serves 'em right for hurting poor little cows!"  
  
*************************************  
  
The Ham-Hams were a bit later on coming home than they had hoped. They just  
hoped none of there owners noticed they were missing. To prevent Herbert from  
anymore pain, Pepper gave Hamtaro and ear of corn so Boss wouldn't bite Herbert's tail  
again.  
  
"Thanks for the lift, Jingle!" Hamtaro smiled as he and the Ham-Hams hoped off.  
  
"Anytime, Hamtoro!" Jingle smiled back.  
  
"That's Hamtaro." he replied, but he was still smiling. The Ham-Hams were  
about to go there separate ways when they heard Laura's father cooking on the barbecue.  
  
"Laura!" he called, "The hamburgers are ready!" The Ham-Hams all looked at  
each other and laughed. "And so are the hot dogs!" They stopped laughing.  
  
"H-h-hot dogs?!" Hamtaro cried.  
  
"You mean zey cook poor puppies like Brandy?!" Bijou said.  
  
"Guess we gotta' find where hot dogs are made and burn this place down, too!"  
Boss exclaimed.  
  
Jingle was riding off into the sunset on his pig. "Some hams never learn, do they  
Herbert?" Jingle asked. Herbert simply snorted.  
  
*************************************  
  
Laura was sitting down writing in her diary, speaking out loud.  
  
"Dear diary, the strangest thing happened today. The local fast food restaurant  
was burned down and the only clues the police could find was a few matches and a tea  
kettle." said Laura.  
  
"Yeah, sorry about that!" Hamtaro thought to himself, while eating a sunflower  
seed, "I guess me and the Ham-Hams got a bit carried away. Maybe we should go ask  
Pepper what hot dogs are made of before we jump to any more conclusions. I still don't  
get why hamburgers are called 'hamburgers' and not be called cowburgers."  
  
Laura finished up writing in her diary and closed it. "Well today was pretty  
weird, but kind of exciting too! And you know what? I have a feeling tomorrow will be  
even better! Don't you think so Hamtaro?"  
  
"Heke?"  
  
The End 


End file.
